I am good. I am happy. and I need to remember that on days, on nights when I feel otherwise. I just had a very simple, yet significantly important revelation, all by myself. Maybe it was needed, maybe it was not,but I am going to share here, what it was-
Other people are just to complement my day. I am not going to change my schedule for them.
I am not ‘making’ time for them. I prioritise myself over every person, because as nice as they may be in the moment, all of them are temporary.
I say this because I did the exact opposite, and I know where it landed me, a place I am still recovering from. The line of boundary seems to be blurred by time and my hidden bias for some people. I was okay with putting in the effort to reschedule for them. I was okay when I was the first one to initiate everything. I always 'understood' why they had to cancel last minute, or were distracted when we talked or a thousand reasons 'why' they could not be there for me. But I was shattered when I noticed that there was absolutely no effort from them! And I just did not have the energy to repair anything with anyone, no matter how important to me, no matter how close to me. I let it stay. And it killed me. So fine, I let it out. And things were good, for some time.
But then, as I like to say - People revert to their default, their habits, their true character given time. A lesson truly learnt, is never forgotten, or so I like to think. And if it did, I was never as important to them as they made me believe.
So now, when it happened again, I just kept shut. I am coming to terms with reality, in this aspect. People are so temporary, good and bad. But it is just all bullshit if what they say is not backed by their actions. So, now when the word 'trust' comes to my mind, I just laugh. Thinking of it makes me sad, so why. Sometimes, we just seem to drag shit that has been over a long time before. We are just too afraid to deal with it, accept it. As hard as it may be, that is the only way to carry on with life. Some topics are not worth communicating about. Because all they do is aggravate fears, and surface deeply-seated insecurities of people. Some things are better left unsaid.
A quote that has helped me a lot is -
"LET GO OF THE ILLUSION THAT THINGS COULD'VE TURNED OUT DIFFERENTLY THAN THEY DID."
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