Some people simply change us.
For better or for worse, I don't know. They just unintentionally do or say something that makes us rethink our thoughts, feelings and actions.
And I, have been fortunate or not so fortunate, to meet a lot of those people. Some make me feel like I'm such a good person, which boosts my ego to a bit of arrogance, raises my confidence, while others, make me feel so patronised, that I get all-consumed by self-doubt.
I call some of them my friends, but sometimes they get too toxic for my health. But other times, I feel so softly for them, I forgive all their mistakes just because they are that important to me. Probably, I'm speaking about a particular person here, but we'll never know for sure.
There is this mechanism in me that I like to call- Safety Detachment. Usually, I'm all good with my friends. But what if they talk to me in a manner I didn't like, or I saw myself waiting for their reply for hours, and I realised myself drifting in the wrong direction.
I catch myself, and deeply analyse the situation- what was the cause of it, the reaction, the direct or indirect implications of what was done or said, etc.
Then, I remember my reaction. I detach myself from the reaction, and think how differently I would have reacted now that I'm not angry. I try to find why I reacted like I did. I try to find why the person who is usually good to me, said or did something that would annoy me. Was it my misinterpretation or was it intended?
For some time, I ponder on it. Then, I make peace with it, and move on.
I promise myself that I'll never react in haste again, but wisely respond to difficult situations. And ofcourse, that promise doesn't stay.
But I find in me, the awareness needed to make sense of my mind, and to conquer that battle is the most difficult, yet the most important.
-Harshita