First Year, First Becoming

One year down — probably the most chaotic, daunting, and thrilling ride we’ve ever had: the first year of college. It was a whole new world — living in a different city, making new friends, discovering comfort in unfamiliar spaces, and battling a constant undercurrent of homesickness.But I couldn’t be more grateful for finding a group of friends I genuinely enjoy being around — whether we met through societies, classrooms, or my PG. They were the reason I got through so many lows. We bonded over the same struggles — attendance, internals, and that ever-looming peer pressure. Ranting together somehow just made it all seem practically insignificant.

Having no one to hand you a roadmap is terrifying — and oddly freeing.You can eat whatever you want, not study for months, sleep at odd hours, spend your days doing literally anything and there is no one to get you back on track, except your own self. There was a time when I rushed back to my pg after college, just for some quiet. And whenever I felt low, I’d meet my school friends — the ones who’d seen all my highs and lows. Sometimes meeting them shows you versions of yourself you seem to forget existed. You feel calmer, grounded and just about right.

Slowly, a routine developed. Gradually, a rhythm settled in — more time in college, daily hangouts, new cafés and games. It all felt so liberating.

From fests to concerts, rushing for attendance, endless Nescafes, sleepless nights, society chaos and just never having any sleep, no matter how hard you tried! — it was a beautiful kind of exhaustion.

Then it hit me one day — I might actually have to sign an undertaking. I had barely any attendance, shitty internals and my professors didn't think highly of me to say the least. My skin was gradually worsening, thanks to all the junk food I was consuming, my bank balance was in the red and I had not touched a novel in months!Suddenly, I didn’t recognize myself. This wasn’t me. So what changed?

The answer came later- Everything.

Earlier, my choices — the shows I watched, the food I ate, even the clothes I wore — were always influenced by someone or something.

Now, it was all on me. That realization opened up a whole new spectrum of possibilities. I began to like playing games, even more than I thought I'd like, started reading again, focused a little on eating healthy and exercising and most of all had a sort of calmness in my head; knowing that yes, I don't have it all figured out, but I don't need to either. I have time. I am 19, I am supposed to make mistakes, uncover what I truly find enjoyable, and then decide what I like and how I want to spend my time.

Despite what is expected sometimes of us, we are by mortal humans, who make mistakes and then learn from them.

Besides, that is what makes adulthood so thrilling right- the light jeopardy of it all.

-Harshita